rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
