She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
