The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
