I'm going to jail i love you
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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