I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
