dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
