my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
