i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
