I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
