i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
