She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
