Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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