so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
