i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
