Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
