Define "chronic" masturbator.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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