I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
True college students do jello shots in the library
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
