Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
