just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A+ Viking dick
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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