my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
