I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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