I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
