so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
