I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
