Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
