I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
