I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
