I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everclear isn't food dammit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
