Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
