all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
