dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
