watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
