he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
