If i come over, it means nothing
and she was petting her beer can
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
