Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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