Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
