my shit smells like andre
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
