I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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