So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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