I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
