2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
