oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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