he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
