his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm really busy with my period
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