I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
