I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
