She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
