I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
