and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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