I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
