Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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